Lost Love
by xenowriter
Summary: Kaidan meets up with Shepard on Horizon, but will Cerberus turn him away from her?


LOST LOVE

"Kaidan, you okay?" Jane called out to Alenko as she stood a few feet behind him in one of the empty housing pods on Horizon. "Heard the attack here was rough before I got here." Her green eyes moved around the open floor plan pod. Everything was left just as it was before its occupants fled from the Collectors. A plate of cold food still on the table…a data pad on the couch…and a doll on the floor. Tears filled Jane's eyes. A family once lived here; happy and content, not knowing the horror that would befall them that day.

"Yeah…I guess…I-I just don't know what to think right now." Alenko sighed heavy with disdain as his arms remained at his sides, his fists bawled up tightly.

"You said you wanted to talk in private." Jane pressed on lightly. "Here I am." Her squadmates: Garrus Vakarian and Miranda Lawson were outside to give the two their privacy.

The dark-haired man pivoted on his heel to finally look at her. His brown eyes searching hers. "Two years…two years I thought you were dead..." His voice filled with pain.

Shepard took a step forward towards him. "I was dead. Clinically speaking. But I'm back now." She cracked a smile. "It will be like old times."

Kaidan shook his head. "No, it won't. You're with Cerberus," he spat. "I can't fathom…how…why are you even with them, Commander? I thought you were filled with integrity and honor…but you joined a human terrorist organization?"

"Kaidan, human colonies are being attacked by the Collectors."

"The Alliance could be involved!" He snapped defensively.

"You were stationed here and look what happened?" Jane felt her voice raise to match his. "You know how the Alliance operates…we are losing this battle and Cerberus is the only ones who can probably stop this. They brought me back; the Alliance left me for dead."

Alenko scoffed at her notion. "So, you just going to join them just like that? Commander, I'm sorry, but I'm not doing it."

"Damnit, Alenko." Jane threw up her hands in frustration as she moved towards the empty table. "Cerberus may be helping me," she emphasized. "I'm not with them and if you knew me years ago, you would believe me."

"What about her?" He thumbed towards the door. "Miranda Lawson? She's a Cerberus operative."

"She wants to help save the colonists and she's a great biotic on my team. I also have Garrus out there." She firmly reminded him. "You know if I truly did join Cerberus, that he wouldn't be with me."

"Maybe…" Kaidan's voice faded as he lowered his eyes to search what to believe. "Where does that leave us?"

"It's been two years…it will take time." Jane reached out to take his hand gently.

He quickly retracted away. "I still love you..." He squared his jaw.

"I know that. You're the one that is pushing me away."

"What if we switched positions? How would you feel about it? How do I even know that's really you?"

Jane reached out and gently touched his face with her gloved fingertips. "Remember before we hit Ilos? You came to my quarters. You were conflicted then about what we should do…but we knew what was at stake. I couldn't afford to not show you what you meant to me."

He nuzzled her fingertips lightly and kissed them. "I remember…was one hell of a run there on Ilos. The way we hit that relay with the Mako." He chuckled. "Never a dull minute, huh?" A small smile spread across his lips.

Jane grinned. "Finally, get you to smile." She reached out to gently kiss his lips, but he stopped her.

"I'm sorry, Commander…I need time to process all this…"

"Take all the time you need."

"I better report back to the Alliance." He moved towards the door first. "Please do not get killed again, Jane."

"Don't worry…I have something to look forward to." She smiled at him softly.

"I'd like that."

Jane sighed hard as she stared out the window from the ports that overlooked the ships that were coming into the Citadel. Most likely, more refugees from the war with the Reapers. Just how many more could the station take? Bailey told her it seemed like hundreds were pouring in each day. The paperwork was getting too much for C-Sec to process.

Her mind still remained on Kaidan. The confrontation against him during the attack on the Citadel and Udina was nerve racking and she thought for sure, she would have been pinned down to making another difficult choice in her life: Kill Kaidan and save the Citadel or risk falling to Cerberus. Luckily, Alenko had her back and helped her take down Udina. Their second reunion since the war was again cut short and she felt like there was so much on her plate that she couldn't seek him out. Her mind was taking a toll and she just wanted to be in his arms again.

Turning, she made her way back to where the Normandy was berthed to board and head out once more. She had to remind herself that her current stay on the station was not shore leave and there was too much at stake. The doors opened that led to the ship's entrance and there stood Kaidan Alenko in his gear. He stood straighter and saluted her. "Commander."

She returned the salute. "Lieutenant Commander. At ease." She smiled light heartedly. "Something on your mind?"

"Yeah." Kaidan nodded. "You. I've been doing some thinking ever since Horizon and I've made up my mind."

"A lot has been happening since then. Refresh my memory," Jane admitted painfully.

This provoked a playful grin from him. "I was hoping you would say that." He cupped her face gingerly with his hand and kissed her passionately.


End file.
